my story
It all started with a diet. It started with the idea that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, or worth love. In the beginning, it started as eating “clean,” but then I began to measure every single bite that went into my mouth, then I started weighing myself, which turned into weighing myself over 5 times a day, and over the summer before sophomore year of high school I had lost so much weight that I needed to buy new uniforms because my other ones were too big. I got so many compliments when I went back to school about how amazing I looked and that just fed the fire. Sadly, I spiraled out of control into a full-blown blown eating disorder. I suffered from severe anorexia and bulimia. When you suffer from an eating disorder you aren’t intentionally saying I don’t want to eat. It’s definitely a mental disorder and it’s about way more than just food. Food is just the thing I could control and it was my coping mechanism. My sophomore year was the worst year of my life. I hated who I was, but hid everything because I thought that I always had to be "happy." I was always trying to cheer others up and be the life of the party, even though deep-inside I was completely broken. It took some time for my family to realize what was going on, but they were the ones that forced me to get help. I finally started to see a therapist (even though I went in kicking and screaming) because I felt like it was "weak" to ask for help. I never thought that I would be the one to struggle, I always prided myself on being strong, but it took an eating disorder for me to realize that those who can admit they are weak are truly strong. One day, I came home my senior year of high school and told my parents, through sobbing tears, that I didn't want to live anymore and that I was terrified. I told them I didn't have a plan, but I can remember crumbling to the floor weeping in their arms. The depression and anxiety was so overhwleming from the eating disorder that I wanted to give up. My parents were incredible and swept me off the floor and stood beside me every step of the way. Their belief that I could beat the disorder was one of the sparks that set me on the road to recovery. My recovery story isn’t linear, I had many ups and downs, but honestly I can say that therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can vividly remember one day sitting with my counselor and she was really honest with me. She said, "Brooke, this is life or death. If you keep going this route you are going to die." That day, December 10th, 2013 was the day I committed to never purge again and put the eating disorder thoughts behind me. I wish I could say it was easy and I never relapsed, but that's not the case. I never threw up intentionally again, but the days of not wanting to eat still haunted me. The more and more I leaned into God, the more He began to heal me and take away my pain.
I was so sick that doctors told me that I would never recover from my disorder, but God had other plans. He has healed me completely from my eating disorder and brought me out of my brokenness to share my story with others. People always ask if I would change my past and my answer is always no. God allowed my to walk through that pain, so I could understand the hope and fullness that is found in Him.
Flash forward to today and I can tell you that there is freedom through our brokenness; through our eating disorders, addictions, depression and anxiety.
For when I am weak, then I am strong. There are days now that I still struggle with lies that I am not good enough, but I always go back to His Word and have faith that if He can love me at my most broken state, He can continue and will continue to love me. I’ve dealt with all of it, but I couldn’t have healed unless I admitted that I needed help. I wouldn’t be where I am at in life today without the support of my family, friends, and most importantly God. I want everyone to know that we can break the societal norms of what “pretty is” and start sharing our stories so people don’t feel alone. Because I have found healing and continue to grow in it, I want to share my story with as many people as I can. I aspire to remind everyone that they were created for a purpose and that God loves them in their most broken state.
You are a beautiful creation
“You are a beautiful creation. Perfectly imperfect, a work in progress. You have everything you need to fulfill your purpose. Don’t dilute yourself for any person or any reason…you are enough. Be unapologetically you.” -Steve Maraboli
Dear beautiful you…
I want you to understand something:
YOU are allowed to take charge of your life.
YOU can take ownership of your story.
YOU are allowed to know your worth.
YOU can take care of your health.
YOU are allowed to love yourself.
YOU can embrace your talents.
YOU are allowed to make mistakes
YOU can be thankful for your blessings.
YOU are allowed to practice your passions
YOU can forgive those who have hurt you.
YOU are allowed to live life to the fullest.
YOU are meant to be unapologetically you.
YOU can change the world girly!
Psalm 139:14, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” You don’t need to be a certain way, you don’t need to act a certain way, and you definitely do not need to look a certain way. I repeat, “You,” yes you!!! “are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
You are irreplaceable, you are adored, you are worthy, you are unique, you are talented, and you are beautiful all in the eyes of the Lord.
I want you to try this exercise this week:
STOP: comparing yourself to others
START:
accepting who you are
being the best you can be
encouraging yourself
following your dreams
respecting yourself
loving yourself
Perfectly Imperfect
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
What does it mean to be “perfectly imperfect?”
To me, being perfectly imperfect is knowing that you are God’s original masterpiece. You were made to be absolutely stunning in His image. You don’t need to change yourself, no need to mask what you struggle with, no need to pretend to be someone you aren’t. It means being the real you. It means being who God has made you to be because that is beautiful!
To be perfectly imperfect, we must embrace our imperfections, our fears, our struggles, our hurts, and our insecurities. Giving them to God, praying that He reveals just how beautiful he wants us to feel. Remember that God loves us through our struggles, our hurts, our pain. He sees the real women that we are.
I want you to remind yourself how perfectly imperfect you are. Grab a sticky note and write “I am perfectly imperfect” on it. Place it somewhere where you will see it everyday and remind yourself that you are a masterpiece. Remember there is no need to be perfect, because there is no such thing as a perfect woman.
This one is for the girls…
Today’s society has engrained the picture of the “ideal woman” in our heads, since we were young. We are taught that if we aren’t skinny, with incredibly long legs, and a small waist, we aren’t beautiful. I want to remind you that being “beautiful” (outwardly) is not the most important thing in the world. What is more important is knowing that we are created in God’s image and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
This message is for any girl who has ever struggled with her body image. This message is for girls who have a low-self esteem. The girls who are struggling. The girls who are depressed. The girls who are trying to be perfect. The girls who have a hard time looking at themselves in a mirror. The girls who feel inadequate. The girls who have been bullied or called ugly. The girls with eating disorders or anxiety…this is for a girl like you. We all struggle with our body image, including me…and I want to talk about what it means to be “worth more.” “She is worth FAR more than rubies and pearls.” She meaning YOU!!!
SO…
What is the definition of beauty?
NOUN
a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight:
“I was struck by her beauty” ·
a beautiful or pleasing thing or person, in particular.
What people miss out on is that true beauty is not defined by our “common qualities, our shapes, our color, or our form.” True beauty is more about the character we have inside of us.
I want to remind you that God formed every piece of us, he knows the number of hairs on our heads, he molded us and shaped us. He knows us deep down, he knows our hurts, our sorrows and our hopes and dreams, he knows our soul.
I want every woman to know that they were formed in the image of a king. We are his princesses and we need to be able to look into the mirror and realize that God, our Almighty Creator designed each and every one of us for a specific reason. He created us to live a life of value and to spread love and kindness to everyone.
Compliments
“Compliment people. Magnify their strengths not their weaknesses.”- unknown
Let’s talk about compliments. Have you ever noticed that most of the time, compliments are usually about physical appearance? Oh, I love your hair! Your eyes are beautiful. You have a gorgeous smile!
This got me thinking..are we only valued by our outer appearance? I know that I want to be valued for the qualities that make me who I am. I want to be noticed and recognized for my love, empathy, and kindness. I would much rather someone tell me how beautiful my soul is than say I have a pretty smile. Yes, that is nice to hear, but what happens if I get in a car accident and my smile is completely altered? Well, I still will have that beautiful soul, that never changes.
I think especially for women, it is important to notice our internal beauty. We get very focused on what we wear, our makeup, our hair, our nails…I could go on, but how often do we try to beautify our souls?
Beauty is not in the face it is a light in the heart.” – Kahlil Gibran
1 Peter 3: 3-4 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
Song of Solomon 4:7 says, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
Try this exercise:
Every time you give someone a compliment, put a note in your phone of what you said.
At the end of the week go back and see how many times it was based on physical appearance. You’ll be surprised how much we focus on that. (I do it to! It’s not a bad thing, but I think people need to understand that they are more than their looks.)
Here is a list of compliments that aren’t about physical appearance:
You inspire me to be a better person.
I love your confidence.
I think you are a strong person.
I love listening to what you have to say.
You have such a kind heart.
You are so generous.
You have a beautiful soul.
Being with you makes me joyful.
Thank you for being so understanding.
You matter so much to me.
Your passions are contagious.
I love how great you are at loving others.
Your positive energy is infectious.
Never give up!
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
What does it mean to be “perfectly imperfect?”
To me, being perfectly imperfect is knowing that you are God’s original masterpiece. You were made to be absolutely stunning in His image. You don’t need to change yourself, no need to mask what you struggle with, no need to pretend to be someone you aren’t. It means being the real you. It means being who God has made you to be because that is beautiful!
To be perfectly imperfect, we must embrace our imperfections, our fears, our struggles, our hurts, and our insecurities. Giving them to God, praying that He reveals just how beautiful he wants us to feel. Remember that God loves us through our struggles, our hurts, our pain. He sees the real women that we are.
I want you to remind yourself how perfectly imperfect you are. Grab a sticky note and write “I am perfectly imperfect” on it. Place it somewhere where you will see it everyday and remind yourself that you are a masterpiece. Remember there is no need to be perfect, because there is no such thing as a perfect woman.
Saturday Self-Confidence
“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” -Louise L. Hay
Hi guys! So, I wanted to talk about self-confidence today. A lot of people struggle with accepting themselves, whether it be physically, emotionally, or even mentally. We always think that we need to be thinner, curvier, faster, smarter, prettier, healthier, (you name it), everyone has the need to change something about themselves. Change can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. Ask yourself…”Am I trying to change myself to be better and live a happier life or am I trying to change myself to fit in and be more socially accepted?” I know it’s hard, but we need to start making choices to change for the betterment of ourselves. We spend way too much time saying, “I want to look like her. I want what she has.” Fortunately, you will never be like “her” and that is A GREAT THING! God created us all to be unique individuals. Not one person on this earth is the same…not even identical twins! We all have different colors, shapes, sizes, thoughts, emotions, and experience life differently. The only thing that connects us is that we are all human, we all have flaws, and God loves us despite that!
So, I want you to start practicing self-confidence. Remember, self-confidence is not selfishness, cockiness, or an attitude that “I am better than you,” that’s not what self-confidence is meant to be. Self confidence by definition is “self-assurance in one’s personal judgment, ability, power, etc.” So, be assured that you are beautiful, you are important, and you don’t need to change anything about yourself to be more like society. Be you, be different! Imagine a world where everyone was the exact same, wore the same clothes (same boring colors) had the same hairstyles and just did the same things! How boring of a life would that be!? God did not intend for us to live life like that. He wants us to go out and use what talents and abilities, he has blessed us with, to change the world!
Hebrews 10:35-36 says, “Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.”
So, I want you to dwell on Hebrews 10:35-36 and this question below. Remember that God created you uniquely in His image and you do not need to compare yourself to others or conform to society!
QUESTION FOR THE WEEK AHEAD:
Am I trying to change myself to be better and live a happier life or am I trying to change myself to fit in and be more socially accepted?
feeling burnt out?
Sometimes we don’t feel great, emotionally or physically. We get exhausted because we are so stressed out. It becomes difficult to go through the day without going through the motions. We forget to experience the day…to live in the moment…Sometimes, all we need is something that will strengthen our hearts, minds, and spirits. One daily task that can help us focus on being more balanced throughout the day.
I wanted to share with you guys some habits to start incorporating into your daily routine. I love practicing these to set me up for a purpose-driven day!
In the morning,
Visualize a great day: We can visualize how we want our day to go. Start the morning off with a gratitude list of 3 things and write down this phrase “ I am going to make today an amazing day.” Keep reminding yourself that you said this to make your day amazing!
Try not to look at your phone first thing: I’ve noticed that when I pick my phone up first thing in the morning I start my day off stressed out with emails, homework, to-dos, and more work! It is overwhelming. Try lying in your bed for a few minutes to relax and stretch.
During the Day
Cheer yourself on: Sometimes during the day I feel myself just dragging along. I am exhausted and burnt out. On days that I am struggling, I try to remind myself how strong I am. I say these words to myself, “You can do this. You are already half way through the day and you can handle anything the rest of this day throws at you.” Remember that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
Night Time
When I am tired and stressed, I absolutely love taking epsom salt baths. I love pampering myself a little bit at the end of the night…it feels so good to unwind before going to bed. Making a cup of tea is also a wonderful way to destress before you lay your head down and go to sleep. Chamomile or Sleepy Time are my two favorites!
Always remember that you are absolutely beautiful and you are worth so much! Remind yourself that you have so much to offer the world. We are constantly told we aren’t enough, but the truth is God adores you for who you are.
So, “how do you care for yourself?” If you are neglecting time for yourself, (I do it sometimes too), you will find yourself overwhelmed and burnt out. Try to set times for yourself to unwind and destress. You will definitely thank yourself later!